So I officially started university. Today was my second day of classes—a lightning round of four lessons in an equal number of hours—and already I’m feeling exhausted from the constant confusion of being a first-year in a huge huge HUGE establishment where everything looks the same and nothing is familiar. My schedule is hectic for half the week and totally lax for the other two days, so I’m frazzled and stressed for three of the five days and borderline bored on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I created my own schedule, so I knew what I was getting into. But still. Planning something and executing it are very different things.
Today was a Wednesday, a busy day, so I began the morning with physics at ten o’clock, followed sharply by a packed 200+ student biology class at eleven o’clock; then there was my first chemistry class at twelve (with three hundred and fifty students) with English rounding it all off at one o’clock. I never have more than ten minutes between classes, and even though it’s only the second day I’m beginning to feel the baby effects of loneliness and isolation.
In high school (in all grade school levels, actually), you’re bound to your friends. You’ve got the same schedule, maybe, or are at least contained within the same building. You see each other either in classes or in the halls, and you can find each other at lunch if you don’t have any regular run-ins together. There’s continuity in that. In university, on the other hand, everyone’s got their own personalized schedules with different break times and classes, sporadic lunchtimes, and extra stuff piled on top of all that like part-time jobs and extracurricular engagements. They’re scattered across a massive campus, and sometimes things come up on the fly that can’t be communicated via text as soon as they happen. It’s hard to organize meetings with more than one or two people until you get a good grasp of the break times of everyone else, and even then it’s difficult to ensure that everyone meets at a communal and central place at a specific time. It’s tough to wander around trying to kill an hour while all your friends are in class and everyone walking by you around campus seems to have a place to go and things to do and a semblance of having their shit together. I’m naturally introverted, and it’s hard to overcome that barrier of shyness and jump into the friend-making process. I guess it’s something I’ll have to pick up as time goes by. And I’ll have to figure out a way to unite all my friends, my support system, so we can keep each other going.
Don’t get me wrong, I love being at university. I’m just going through the omg everything is so new phase/stress-out period right now, and I know I’m not the only one to feel this way. Writing is my way of coping with it.
And now, to do my calculus homework.