anonymity + finality

I have a lot of pictures of my cat okay
First thing’s first here: What the hell is up with the WordPress app update? Good god. I mean, on one hand the developers have added in a deliciously Georgia-slash-Baskerville-esque font in the non-HTML view (my two favourite fonts ♡) (yes I have favourite fonts don’t judge me *cough cough* please die, Comic Sans *cough cough*), but on the other they’ve also messed with the stats page again. And DO YOU EVEN KNOW how long it took me to adjust to the last update? SO LONG. Gosh, I’m practically trembling while uncontrollably rocking back in forth in a corner over here.*

Plus: I’ve been considering whether or not I should “personalize” my blog more, since it’s probably the most minimalist and stark white it could possibly be. But after a li’l time with my thinking cap, I decided to just leave it. If anything, I’d switch the theme to an all-black with white lettering colour scheme, but whenever I test it out it seems SO DARK. And then I bail and leave it white with black lettering. WHOA, SO YIN AND YANG. My grandparents would be very proud. 

Annnyhoo. My friend Annie just left E-town for the glamorous capital city of the state of New York, and soon my friend Mikayla will be jetting off to the University of Waterloo for the foreseeable future. It’s kinda surreal to see these people you’ve known for so long and seen so consistently just up and disappear—before, even if I didn’t see some of my friends in person for a while, I knew they were in the same city, sharing the same space as me. Now they’re (comparatively) worlds apart. 

Of course, modern technology swoops in to save the day, so I won’t be totally cut off from them or anything like that. But somehow, it’s just not the same. Besides, university life is hella busy—Mikayla’ll be working to earn her degree in environmental engineering and Annie’s been chosen to play for Adelphi University’s soccer team—and I don’t know if either of them will have the time to do much beyond what’s demanded of them by their studies. As Taylor Swift and Ed Sheeran said (sang?), “Everything has changed.”

In America people have started going back to school already (as a Canadian, I’ve never been able to wrap my head around this), but I’ve still got three weeks of freedom left before it’s back to crunch mode (amped up by a few thousand degrees or so by the 1) new type of school, 2) new school environment, 3) insane amount of new people, 4) brand new teachers and professors, and 5) way harder classes). I’ve got to savor it while it lasts! And yet I’m simultaneously overwhelmed by the fact that I’ll soon be encapsulated by the demands of school and volunteer work and the truth that I’ll never feel the way I feel right now, in this moment, in this time and place and situation, ever again. It’s paralyzing to think about for too long. 

So I’ll envelop myself in my last little wisps of time as a seventeen-year-old with friends she’s been through thick n’ thin with and the comfort of cohesiveness with a particular set of people that comes with bearing high school together, fill my days with bowling and eating pho and jumping on trampolines and eating Popsicles out in the sun and summer walks and sleepovers and movie nights and quiet late night phone calls, and I’ll savor the last summer I could ever say to myself that I wasn’t an adult and the last summer I could revel in the bliss of not knowing what happens next. I’ll keep the memories going slowly, slowly, so I can keep them on the taste of my tongue, resonating through my ears, filling my soul with laughter and tears and the exhaustion of a day well spent. This is the last, I think to myself. Make it count. 

*This is, to be clear, an exaggeration, although it may or may not be a large one. 


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Writes words mostly on the go. Lentils are life.

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