When you’re a teenage girl living in a time of so many other teenage girls who are accomplishing things and doing incredible stuff and carving out places for themselves in the world, it’s hard to look at yourself sometimes and accept what you see when you’re not doing amazing things. I’m aware that last sentence was really long and messy, but it had to be said and there wasn’t another way to get the point across.
Anyway, when there are people like Lorde and Petra Collins and Tavi Gevinson and Malala Yousafzai and every other girl I see making art and/or changing perspectives, how can I be satisfied with my own achievements? Do they even begin to measure up? It’s hard, really, to be able to acknowledge yourself while understanding that you’ve still got so far to go. This is something I’ve always struggled with and continue to struggle with all the time. It hit me particularly hard this past summer, when all my friends were traveling or gone or otherwise M.I.A. doing cool stuff while I stayed landlocked in my hometown without anything to do or anyone to pass the time with. All I had to look forward to were the sporadic phone calls my friends would give me from time to time to fill me in on all the interesting things and exciting opportunities they were in the midst of, and it only made me feel worse. I was lazy. Dull. Boring. While my friends were out seizing the days, I was letting the hours pass me by. Part of it was because I couldn’t figure out how to start actually doing productive, worthwhile stuff I really wanted to do. Part of it was that I was afraid that anything I did would never compare to what my friends did. All of this made me even less productive and kept me stuck in a progressive trap of time-wasting.
I got over it eventually, but I still hate the feeling of having accomplished nothing. This blog, maybe, will help combat that a little from happening again. If I write something every day—even something little or crappy or rushed—it’ll help me work past any writer’s block I might get in the future. It’ll teach me to be creative and to persevere past rough spots when I’m writing, which will be especially useful when it comes to writing assignments and things for school plus all the stuff I do in my free time. If I write a little something every day and document it, it’ll be nice. It’ll be productive. I’ll have something to show for my “wasted” time if I’m just writing on my phone, and I guess that’s all I really want.